Monday, November 8, 2010

scenes of soft nonsense

In a slight break from my European updates, brought upon by my lack of time (most take a couple hours due to slow uploading times, reminiscing, and intermittent Wikipedia ventures) and desire to shake things up a bit, I decided to put up a short post tracing a few musings, presented in snippet form.

Readysetgo.

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As I sit here in the library of my school, there is a guy not but 10 feet from me working on a paper. The only things surrounding him? His laptop, a book, a pair of cappuccinos, and a plate of snacks. And a half-drunk glass of champagne.

Dio benedica Roma.

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Another library-related story: during my studies (see next blurb), I went upstairs to drop the kids off at the pool* and heard a door swing open, then saw one of the most attractive girls on campus scurry down past me back into the biblioteca. Which lead to a few of questions:

1) Can I still look at her the same way, knowing that she is a non-flusher?
2) Can I still look at her the same way, knowing what she didn't flush?
3) Can I still look at the guy she makes out with the same way, knowing that, if they go beyond college hooking up, I have foreseen something that he likely won't for another 5-10 years?

*In case that wasn't clear:
bomb the oval office
drop a deuce
drown the brown snake
bust porcelein
or an Italian flair - coronate Emperor Gluteus Maximus III
poop**

**Did I mention that I'm single?


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I have an essay for my English class due on Wednesday over a book that I haven't finished reading yet that I just remembered about today. So far tonight I have accomplished:

4 pages read
2 episodes of Community (George Takei + zombie episode = best Halloween episode of anything ever? Also, the one and only time that the use of ABBA is to be permitted)
1 episode of How I Met Your Mother
1/2 blog post
3 hours trolled on various comic websites

How time flies when one is having fun.

The site that I spent most of my time on was (let's face it - is and will be) Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. It's a mostly one-panel collection of cartoons, and had me awkwardly ROFL-coptering in between the stacks earlier. Put bluntly: it tickles my nerdy, 12-year old bones to the core with a nice combination of Star Wars, satire, and boobies. Some highlights to entice you to give them your web traffic:











Can't lie: have used this line, as well as a couple of variants involving Mussolini, Ghandi, and Michael Cera.

Stillllll single ladies.



If only.

I've seen the Pope - this could be a reality.



Other winners in the SN troll-a-thon?

Hipster Hitler - Hitler as, um, a hipster?
Vladimir Putin Action Comics - A behind-the-scenes look at the former Russian leader, giving us a glimpse into how truly terrifying the man is (He supports Leno!!!)
Penny Arcade - If you don't know about Penny Arcade already, then you are likely not in my target audience. Stop reading this blog (after commenting and telling all of your friends how awesome it is), click the link, and read, my pretties, READ!!!

MWAAHAAAHAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAA!

....and I wonder why people insist on using Wizard of Oz references when I say I'm from Kansas.

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For those of you who read my last post (READ IT - it has video!), you'll see that I noted a sharp incline in followers in the last few days. It then recently came to my attention that I got a shout-out from my blog friend Amber at Nostomanic which included a sweet award (the Woody Allen one to the right somewhere) and a notification of my handsomeness*. If you aren't already, you need to check out her blog, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a better one out there if you're a twentysomething (though if you're a new follower from the shout-out, you already know that...).

She consistently blows all of my ramblings out of the water with nostalgic and nerd hypothetical galore and bomb-ass cartoons to back them up. Plus, she's generally an awesome person.

*If it's on the Internet, it must be true.
Ladies.


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Back to Oktoberfest in the next day or two, though I do have that essay due on Wednesday...and then another book to read by Thursday....then I'm going to Berlin and Stockholm and Brussels this weekend...

Patience is a virtue.

8 comments:

The Shanner of Attention said...

boobies

Nicki said...

I would say it's the best Halloween episode of anything ever since LAST year's Community's Halloween episode. C'mon. Abed as Batman. 95% of men may die thinking of Batman, but .005% of women die thinking of Abed as Batman.

Eleni said...

OK, so did this pretty girl simply leave the bathroom without you hearing a flushing sound (in which case she could have been fixing her hair or something)? Or did she leave the actual toilet stall without flushing? Even if that were the case, she could have been attending to something hygiene related that required the privacy of the stall but not actually depositing anything into the toilet. I'm not sure of all the facts in this situation, but given what you have presented, it is not entirely conclusive that she is a non-flusher. Though if you actually heard evidence that she did do something requiring a flush, and did not flush, then I can't defend her. And she didn't even wash her hands? That is almost as disturbing.

Anyway...
Good luck on finishing that essay!

Megs said...

Amber is awesome. Also, Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is awesome.

I really wish I had something more original and amusing to contribute, but it's hard to add anything of value to an awesome list of names for pooping.

soft nonsense said...

Shanner - Indeed.

Nicki - See, for me that's like picking between two of my greatest loves: zombie movies and Batman. I do believe that this was a better overall episode, though I AM a bit disappointed that Troy and Abed didn't already have a zombie plan in place for Greendale...(nerd alert)

Eleni - An additional couple of facts: it was a unisex bathroom, and it was a bathroom without a stall, just a toilet and sink. I still can't officially confirm nor deny that what I found in that bathroom was hers, but I think it makes for a better story the way my mind saw it, so that's what I'm sticking with ;)

Megs - The use of the word "awesome" thrice withone of them referring to my blog/my semi-awkward list of poop-names is all the contribution this blog needs.

I am a simple man, with simple tastes.

Eleni said...

Ah, so you were going into the very same stall. Hmm, in that case, maybe she saw that the toilet was dirty and was too grossed out, and just left immediately. Or only wanted to check her hair in the first place. That's all I can do to defend her honor. Your story is perhaps the more likely explanation, though.

Pat Tillett said...

a non-flusher! The janitors at my work ALWAYS say that the womens restrooms are much more rancid then the mens.

soft nonsense said...

Eleni - There's a small part of me who gives her the benefit of the doubt, I suppose....

Pat - I had heard rumors of such. However, I'm not exactly willing to do the research behind it to back up the claim...

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