Friday, April 16, 2010

Up Up and Away! Well Sort Of....

Well, I've now taken a few days off of blogging to write essays, gather my thoughts, and put together a nightmare of a newspaper section, but now I'm back. Hooray.


As I was pondering what I should write about (My work's asshole move to schedule a meeting ALL DAY tomorrow, thus comic cockblocking me from the Chicago Comic Expo this weekend....BASTARDS!) or about how tonight's terrible headache derailed my plans to go to the Regional Air Guitar Championships (thereby destroying two ballin' blog posts). I even contemplated blogging about the weather/my day on the beaches of Chicago playing Scrabble with Girlfriend.

But then I found the jackpot.

Now, my descent into comic book fandom, while relatively new, has been fairly well-documented on this blog. And though I'm still undecided as to how deeply I'm going to allow myself to free fall into said fandom, I'm certainly wrapped up in it for the moment*, and I'd be kind of okay if it didn't go away for awhile.

*To put it in perspective, I was already thinking ahead as to whether I would be able to buy comics when I'm abroad in Rome next semester. Yeah, it's that bad.

Buuuuuuut this might be a little too far.

This article from the New York Post, talks about some real-life superheroes in New York City, sporting monikers such as "Dark Guardian," "Life," "Cameraman," and the "Phantom Zero."

They are known as "RLSH" - Real Life Super Heroes.

You read that right folks. I was naturally intrigued, and decided to do a little research. I Googled "real life super heroes," and was, well, surprised at the results.

May I present to you: The World Superhero Registry.

Now, with "Kick Ass" coming out, there has been a lot of media coverage of real life vigilantes, mostly as a joke or series of hypothetical questions. But these guys do it for real. Some of my favorites:

Green Scorpion

Reason 1 to like him: He listens to Tenacious D on patrol
Reason 2: Says sweet things like "Eventually, everyone has the opportunity to awaken and become who they always wanted to be. Some people just hit the snooze button and go back to sleep."
Reason 3: A sweet costume that he paid the next guy $1500 bucks to make, including "a belt buckle with a logo and also a stinger, a weapon with interchangeable end pieces and an ornate handle. [...] The stinger does a number of things, he says, 'some of which are legal. One end piece is simply a light. There's also a pepper spray head and a stun gun. But Scorpion, again, won't give away all his secrets. It's stupid to let the villains know what you're working with."


Professor Widget

Custom-builds suits, accessories, weaponry, etc for budding superheroes. Not even his clients know who he is or where he is located. Kind of a combination of Dr. Horrible and Edna Mode. In case anyone is interested, I'd love a bodysuit with mask, wrist-mounted grappling hooks, with various non-leathal projectiles with explosive charges. Just no capes.

Dark Guardian

It's cool that he does MMA or whatever and legitimately seems like he could kick the hell out of the vast majority of the human population, but mostly it takes a whole lot of iron cajones to operate in New York City kicking drug dealers out of parks and whatnot.

Angle Grinder Man

This vigilante from England carries around a gigantic electric saw around with him during night patrols. Assumingly, not many people mess with him. However, his arch-enemy is one that rarely fights back: car clamps. Angle Grinder Man goes around Kent, "liberating" cars with boots on them from their governmental oppressors.

Red Arrow

With the ability to point and be Japanese!

The Eye

Seemingly just and old guy who knows kung fu and creates his own light-based crime fighting gadgets. No big or anything.


Just straight up has the sweetest costume out there. plain and simple.


There are a bajillion more on the list that I feel deserve mention (such as Polar Man, who shovels the sidewalks of the elderly, and Shadow Hare, the leader of the Allegiance of Heroes and seems super, duper nerdy in this video here).

And while most of these guys don't actually go around and kick the butts of supervillians (many admit that they've never actually stopped a crime), they still try to stand for hope in the community. They use their public notoriety to raise money for charity and often go around and handout food and toiletries to the poor and homeless. Basically, they're simply good Samaritans who happen to choose to dress up in odd spandex.

And hey, who could have a problem with that?

I'll be lame and ask it: what would your super power/alter ego be?


Finally, my last playlist (all of, what....four days old? I promise I'm going to start blogging again....)

Rogue Wave – Lake Michigan
Helicopter Helicopter – At the Bottom of the Ocean
Title Tracks – Every Little Bit Hurts
Think About Life – Sofa Bed
Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin – Modern Mystery
Death Cab for Cutie – Crooked Teeth
Apples In Stereo – Dream About the Future
Supergrass – Alright
Of Montreal – Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games
The Flaming Lips – The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song
Architecture in Helsinki – The Owls Go
Dr. Dog – Stranger
Free Energy – Free Energy
Dum Dum Girls – Bhang Bhang, I’m a Burnout
YACHT – Psychic City
Aloha – Searchlight


P.S. - Yes, I did post this at 4 am on a weeknight. Hope Girlfriend doesn't see this....

Damn sleep schedule.


Hey! Look Behind You! said...

The Green Scorpion looks like Jeepers Creepers.

I'm not sure what my super power/alt ego would be. Can a super hero be someone who likes to sleep, watch movies and do like nothing. I do have this AMAZING power involving CTA trains. Ready? Of course you are. So the moments where my bus hits the train station and the train just pulls up, it's mandatory to have to effin' run down some narrow stairs and then and extra 10 feet to reach the door of the train to throw your arm in there to keep it from closing in your face. I do this all the time since the train likes to come seconds after my bus stops. So I do my usual run, pushing people aside, telling fuckers to move then the arm move. I get the door to open and I enter. So instead of being an asshole, I hold the door open as long as human possible so I can let me other running bus riders join me and not have the door slam in their faces or have them wait another 20-30 minutes for the next bus.

In my 10 years of living here and riding the L not once have I've seen anyone do this task so that my super hero powers. Running and pushing myself against a door.

Good times.

Eleni said...

Even with an expensive costume, they just don't seem as cool in real life as they do in the movies. And if all they're doing is giving food to the homeless, wearing a costume to do that just seems a little strange. And I say this as someone who totally wishes she were a superhero. I'd just have to have a real superpower to feel justified donning a costume and going vigilante.

If I could be a superhero, my alter ego would depend on my superpower. And I've put enough thought into what power I'd want that I have different answers for different universes (As an X-Men? As a Justice League member? As a "Hero"?). And people never get to choose their powers, anyway. But OK...I've always been a fan of manipulation of light (too broad? Is that cheating?). OK, I've spilled...But what would YOUR superpower be?

Haha, no capes. It was a cape that killed Dollar Bill, too, in Watchmen.

Amber said...

It's kind of weird that real life superheroes are both totally cool and totally lame at the same time. Reading about these guys reminds me of Stan Lee's "Who Wants to be a Superhero?" That Angle Grinder guy is a little awesome, though, I don't understand how he isn't in jail.

soft nonsense said...

@Hey - I have never once seen anyone hold the doors open for any other CTA passenger. You're truly one-of-a-kind!

@Eleni/Amber - Yeah, totally lame and totally cool at the same time is a pretty good definition of the RLSH. But then again, it's also a pretty good definition of myself, so...

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