Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Some Blog Math

I've devised this handy equation to explain my recent blog post pattern (with liberal definition and usage of the rules of the order of operations):

((F+R) + ((N+A) / S) x G + DE)PX = B

Wherein -

F= days Father in town for visiting
N= number of pages in this week's issue of the newspaper
A= articles written by yours truly for the paper
S= average hours of sleep per night in past week
G= days with cold (G for gross)
D= number of half-finished posts from this week that are currently sitting in my "edit posts" box
E= number of times an electronic device has broken, necessitating a trip downtown
P= passports required to apply for
X= number of cooperative Athletic Directors, who are more than happy to give you the numbers I need to write my column this week
R = number of study abroad applications to Rome I needed to turn in
B= number of blog posts published so far

Here are the values for this week's equation:

F= 7 days of Father
N= 11 pages in this week's issue
A= 6 articles
S= 3 hours of sleep per night
G= 4 days of a cold
D= 4 half-finished drafts
E= 3 electronics broken (computer charger twice, cell phone once)
P= 1 passport
R= 1 abroad application
X= 0 cooperative Athletic Directors

And so, through simple substitution, we will find our answer:

((F+R) + ((N+A) / S) x G + DE)PX = B

((7+1) + ((11+6) / 3) x 4 + (4 x 3))(1 x 0) = B
(8 + ((5.6666) x 4 + 12)(0) = B
8 + (22.6666 + 12)(0) = B
34.6666 + 8 x 0 = B
0 = B

Hooray mathematics.


And since I missed the two most important holidays in soft nonsense blogdom, here there are in a double whammy post (not in order of importance, but more in order of coolness):


Unicycle Loves You - Highway Robbery
Free Energy - Free Energy
Thao With the Get Down Stay Down - Swimming Pools
Rotary Downs - Wild Pink in Super 8
The Scotland Yard Gospel Choir - ...And The Horse You Rode In On
The Strokes - When It Started
La Strada - The Traveler
Adam Green - What Makes Him Act So Bad
Freelance Whales - Generator^First Floor
Dr. Dog - Stranger
Wolfie - The All Good People
The Asteroids Galaxy Tour - The Sun Ain't Shining No More
Portugal. The Man - The Dead Dog
The Natural History - Telling Lies Will Get You Nowhere
M.I.A. - Paper Planes
The Faint - I Disappear



Another user-suggested one (albeit one I was going to do anyway), this time by Dominique, a one-time visitor (hoping she comes back...). I can't tell you how many impressions, late night driving rockouts, bad mosh pit-esque dancing, and quotes of


that this song has brought. Do enjoy this special version, or the classic version. Or, really, both. I know I will.


The Illustrious D said...

I maintain that Jim Carrey is the best diagonal head bobber in the history of the Roxbury.

I also like the way he fills out a gold chain.

Shannon said...

As a mathlete - I think I'm in love. Good job.

soft nonsense said...

@ D - Motion maintained. Also makes for a fine pet detective, amnesiac, karate instructor, memory-wipe subject, supvervillian, and part-time God. Though I will forever hold that the basis of my ideal God is, and likely always will be, Morgan Freeman.

@ Shannon - Unfortunately, math in general scares me desperately. Finding out that the only math class I had to take in college was "Logic" still gives me waves joy to this day. I hope you do not feel deceived, or that your enjoyment has somehow been disturbed by this revelation. If either is the case, feel free to disregard everything I just wrote, and mentally insert "YEAH HOORAY MATH!"

dominique said...

Oh, I'm already following you - I just don't do so in google :)

ahhh, so good to see it - i'm going to be singing "don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more - whooooooaaaa" all day long now :)

soft nonsense said...

Ah gotcha. I'll just be sure to add one or two to my mental count when I'm boosting my ego by looking at my follower number ^_^

Paulina said...

Hahaha, I love the equation!

Amber said...

I read the little letter/number/variable key thingy but had to skim the equation because math makes my brain cry. Even when it's joke math. I hope you'll forgive me.

I think this Jim Carrey roxbury appearance is like the apotheosis of the sketch--I remember talking about it the monday morning after it aired when I was in middle school. And I still don't understand what love is. Did Haddaway ever answer the question? Maybe in a follow-up song?

soft nonsense said...

@Paulina - Thanks much, glad you popped in!

@Amber - No worries, you missed exactly nothing. And I had to comfort my own brain while doing it, so I feel you. Also, the fact that apotheosis was used in your comment proves all the debt you talked about in your post wasn't wasted. Also also, I believe it was a question, possibly rhetorical, though I'm only an amateur Haddaway historian and hardly consider myself qualified to answer.

Pat Tillett said...

did you double check? I came up with C.

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