Friday, April 9, 2010

Roommate Memories (The Disappearance)

I'm in a bit of a creativity lull right now (probably due to my usual midweek lack of sleep), so I'm dipping into the old memory bucket for today's gigantic photo-blog-ish post.

Before I start this post, I just wanted to ensure you all that I got permission to tell this story by the man it concerns. It's not anything disgustingly scandalous, salacious, sexy, etc, but I less than three him dearly and recognize the difference between posting self-deprecating pictures of myself and telling this story about someone else through pictures.

That, and I really, really wanted him to read this post when I finally finished it and reminisce with me.


CHAPTER ONE - Introduction

Back in freshman year, I had a glorious roommate.

Pictured here with a wax statue of, allegedly, Beyonce. He's the one on the left. I assume.

He is generally one of my favorite people in the world (not saying that because he'll likely read this); he occasionally guilted me into going to the gym or on a run (very, very rarely), loved exploring and video games and anime, somewhat put up with my horrifying organization/messiness, and had a wonderful blend of spaz, nut, innocent, and devious that made for the perfect college friend. He would always be the first in on a joke, including those of the practical variety. They were often fairly basic, but also genius in their simplicity. Some highlights include filling a giant move-in cart to the brim with water, then simply sending it to the ground floor and leaving it there, newspapering every inch of every single thing that I owned, and more (I'm trying to haxx Facebook right now to get a video off of it for roommate hilarity, so I'll post it if I'm ever successful....)

But generally speaking, he was the but of far, far more jokes than vise versa, particularly in the realm of jokes about his mother (our wireless internet password to this day is "*roommatename*s-hot-mom"). But one day, we decided to up the ante just a touch.


CHAPTER TWO - The Preparations

In the above picture is my bed, in its messy, unmade, and oddly shameful glory. Now, you may be asking, where's the joke?

Well, I think it's important to say that I had the bottom bunk.

When I left for class that day, I made sure to leave our door unlocked. In the few hours my roommate and I were gone, my three neighbors (who are now my current roommates) came into the room with tools, disassembled the bed, then hid the components in other rooms.


CHAPTER THREE - The Discovery

I was waiting for him when he came off the elevator (I somehow managed to make it much less creepy and obvious than that just sounded) with my camera in my pocket. I convinced him to hang outside for awhile and come talk to someone else on our floor for awhile. He eventually wandered off back to the room, and I sat back and waited for the magic to happen.

Moments later, I hear a frightened yelling of my name resonate down the hall. Here is a picture-by-picture account of what happened...

"Yes roommate?"
"MY BED....IS GONE..."

*runs down the hall*

In the next couple of days, he told me that in those initial moments, all sorts of possible explanations rushed through his head: he had gotten kicked out of the dorm, I had requested that he move, etc etc. Understandable, of course.

....Until he found this:

Reads: "We have your bed. Do anything rash and we will shred it into futons." A wonderful touch by the mastermind, who we'll get to in a sec.

Reality begins to set in...

And a rant begins.

Yeah, he was a little unhappy.


CHAPTER FOUR - The Big(ger?!) Surprise

Now, JP knew that we were all involved by this point. But he also knew that he could likely pin most of the blame, if not simply the driving inspiration, on one person, The Mastermind. Of all the jokes played on my roommate, he was at the head of at least 75% of them. Roommate stormed next door to confront him:

....Only to find that he was in class and the door was locked. And so he waited. While he did, he scrawled this on the RA's door...

"My bed was stolen. 1210. There were obviously more than one people involved. Suspect that leader was Ben P. One more thing: What the FUCK?" Obviously his Engrish skills were being effected by his trauma.

Finally, the guy was waiting for returned, knowing that my roommate was going to be....upset.


Anyway, roommate was certain that the pieces of his bed were in that room, and at this point was just eager to get his room back to normal. So he storms into the room.

And find nothing. He was broken.

(We did a hell of a job hiding the pieces)



To make an already horrifyingly verbose story short, the Mastermind (Ben) reconciled with Roommate:

While Roommate was looking FABulousssss, evidently...

And we all pitched in to reconstruct the bed.

Except of course for Girlfriend, pictured below at the height of her helpfulness...

All was made well again.

And they lived happily ever after.



Hope that wasn't too boring. At least I have four other people who will read this and enjoy the inside joke.


Charley Quinn said...

ahhhh i am beyond honored! you are just too good to me. thank you for the heartfelt words, i very less than three you too roomie.

incidentally, was this my prize for completing the ?meatloaf song lyrics" challenge?

Pat Tillett said...

Fantastic Hi-Jinks!

soft nonsense said...

@CQ - Anytime ;) And no. You'll have to come visit.

@Pat - You're making us sound like Scooby Doo lol

The Illustrious D said...

I have a question and it relates to the second photo. What is the stuffed animal-but-conspicuously-flat-looking thing? Is it a life-sized Eeyore body pillow for sexi-snugghi times?! IS IT?!

Help: seek it.

soft nonsense said...


I mean.

No...its just a reading pillow....


Amber said...

What a total guy thing to do. Girls never pull this kind of crap on each other...but I really think we should.

Gasai said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gasai said...

haha i thought that was hilarious. I dont know what i would do if i were in that situation. But really that was funny.. It's good that everyone reconciled though *hehe*

**found your blog on 20something blogger "we love comments" group :)

soft nonsense said...

@Amber - Oh yes. You should be ealous of our manly compulsion to fuck with one another. Not literally though. Not to say that...

*sigh* Never mind.

@Gasai - Thanks for stopping by! And yes, back to a big happy family.

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