Tuesday, March 23, 2010

When We Consummated Our Relationship (In a Way)

I was originally going to blog about the fact that Kate Gosselin has suddenly turned into Jane Krakowski (a.k.a. Jenna Maroney from 30 Rock): *

Not the best pictures, but still. It's there right??

*Which I guess I did just blog about. Would have been a lame blog post I suppose.

But while I was at the station, pulling information together for a segment on our Loyola-themed sports show, when I got a frantic text from Girlfriend:

"Omg, will you do me a huge favor??"

I assumed it had something to do with me helping her get CDs etc from the music library so she could be a little better prepared for her shift, so I agreed.

Little did I know that my "Sure, what's up?" would change my life, and our relationship, forever...

Now, before I tell you, what that was I must preface it with this: I love Girlfriend dearly. We've been together for *counts on fingers...* a year and four months(? don't hit me!) now, we spend near all of our time together, and are best friends. Real sappy stuff. But there were still plenty levels of our relationship we haven't ascended to yet, including one, very meaningful level.

On March 23, 2010 (a day that shall live on in infamy) - she said...


"Would you go to Walgreen's and go pic me up some tampons?"

I fumbled a reply.


The phone buzzed mere seconds after my message had sent.


And so it happened. Lovely Girlfriend, the one I trusted my heart to, popped my feminine napkin cherry.

I mean, better her than anyone else I suppose. I would have hated myself if I did it for some girl I barely knew. I just didn't think it would happen so soon....I guess I was hoping to save it for marriage.

To me, that's one aspect of a relationship that should be saved for only the most serious of relationships. I guess it just represents how committed we are to one another. I already pick up medicine and antibiotics for her, so I guess this isn't much different. And I've certainly been the shopping pack mule (but who doesn't do that for I texted my friends, of course, and they all told me that it was okay to feel conflicted (an odd mixture of horror and accomplishment) and that it was just a natural part of a serious romance.

After awhile, I felt better about it. I know one day I'll be the guy running for late-night preggo pickle-craving runs. Who knows, maybe one day I'll even feel comfortable picking up dry cleaning.

Radio Playlist for today:

Wolfmother - Love Train
Pixies - Debaseer
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
The Dandy Warhols - Get off
The Scotland Yard Gospel Choir - One Night Stand
You Say Party! We Say Die - Glory
The Heavy - How You Like Me Now?!
Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - My Man Is a Mean Man
Lou Reed - Hangin' Round (Acoustic Demo)
Wilco - Wilco (The Song)
Aloha - Searchlight
Supergrass - Alright
Phoenix - 1901
Phantogram - When I'm Small
Plane - I See Love In The Future
Adam Green - What Makes Him Act So Bad
Vampire Weekend - Horchata

Special note: one of my friends who is studying abroad in Spain saw me pimp the station/my show on my Facebook status and tuned in via our website. When I asked for people to call in at the end of the show to give me some warm fuzzies, the man delivered and I played that last Vampire Weekend for him. Props to you Ben.


Pat Tillett said...

I have been there.
I have four daughters.
I have been there more than once.
I feel your pain.

The Illustrious D said...

Way to bring the lulz with 'feminine napkin cherry'.

Dandy Warhols = awesome times.

soft nonsense said...

@Pat - You've experienced many, many things in your lifetime, and I've now read about a good number of them. That was pretty much the only one that I truly felt sorry for you about.

@The D - The BEST times. And that was really the only other phrase I could come up with without losing my already limited female readership.

Mr O said...

Very solid story. As I was reading, I was like "wait a min..." and then you hit me with the tampon twist. (you could make a play on those last few words, so I'm not going to delete it)

Nice radio show man, is there a link to listen to it?

I would ask you more about the show, but I won't be lazy and will try to click on the tags.

Amber said...

"I mean, better her than anyone else I suppose. I would have hated myself if I did it for some girl I barely knew. I just didn't think it would happen so soon....I guess I was hoping to save it for marriage."


My boyfriend will pay for the feminine hygiene products but I have to be present when they are purchased.

soft nonsense said...

@Monieur O -That's what you get here at SN - clever innuendo, classy music, and surprise endings. I was just hoping I wouldn't lose people's interest before they reached the end lol

@Amber - Does he make you go into the actual aisle, or are you sent in alone? That would be the true test of his allegiance.

soft nonsense said...

Oh, and @O -

You can listen on Tuesday mornings from 8-9 Central at wluw.org.

giaghani said...

It takes a real man to be able to withstand the horror of what you did.

I commend you! haha... :)

soft nonsense said...

I appreciate the sympathy. But really, I didn't post the story for attention, just to get the word out that things like this can happen, and they can happen to anyone at anytime.

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