Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Tantalizing Twists: My Approach to Pretzels

I was up rather late a couple nights ago (5 a.m.) working on homework (that I had put of for days/weeks), and needed a snack to help me power through the early hours that wouldn't make me feel too terrible about myself.*

*Damn you Spring Break/swimsuit guilt.

After much waffling, I decided upon pretzels, promising myself that I wouldn't eat too many of them* as a way to rationalize the purchase. As I chowed down, I realized that I had a very thorough and consistent way of consuming said snack. Here is a photo dissection of my findings**: ***

*Ha...
**I accidentally crushed what few pretzels remained after my late night snack, so I had to suck it up and buy another bag. Let no one say I never gave up anything for my blog.
***Don't judge me by the purple under my eyes, the greasy hair, and/or unshaven look. I only mostly look like this.


First, I take the pretzel, as so.



Then, I nom.



Behold, an unintentional Rebel Alliance insignia. Somewhat harder to do than it looks. But wait, we're not done!



Nommerz.



Half-pretzel, with sex appeal. Also, must resist temptation for very random Star Trek reference...



*NOM NOM*.



Almost done, and apparently pleased as punch about it.



FINISHING NOM!!!!


My study indicated that I do that approximately 98% of the time I eat a pretzel (excluding variables such as the intactness of the snackable, giantness of the snackable, and overall hunger and subsequent desire to shove said snackable in mah mouth).

Note: Approximately half a bag of pretzels and the near entirety of my diet was harmed in the making of this study. Here's a couple outtakes...


This was my attempt to take all of the pictures at once, and my legitimate surprise when the photographs came far quicker than I expected.



Jewelry you can eat!



Want to know why this picture is so fancy? Check out that pinky. In the midst of full extension. Learned that in Princess Diaries. Shut up, I have a little sister.



MOOSESTACHE?



My attempt to demonstrate the power of hunger upon my findings, but couldn't take the picture without looking dumb/laughing. So here I am, posting it regardless. It's all for you, three people who read this blog. It's always for you. Special "Nathan is a fucking idiot" post soon.

5 comments:

Sid Z. said...

this is the same shirt you wore the last time you photoboothed online. what will people say? ;)

Charley Quinn said...

haha awesome thread, i do love the seinfeld-esque manner of blowing the most trivial matters into an intellectual rant. hard-on, erm, spot-on job.

soft nonsense said...

@ Sid - That I do a lot of laundry. Obviously.

@ Charley - Thank you kindly, glad you stopped by! And as creeped out as I SHOULD have been by your comment, I was exactly that much amused by it.

Eleni said...

Hahaha. The Rebel Alliance insignia is a little weak, but the half-pretzel does look a bit like a bat'leth.

soft nonsense said...

I know..... I could have made it a little better, but I tried to keep this honest in that they were all of the same pretzel. And I wanted SO badly to call it a bat'leth, but was convinced no one would be able to appreciate it fully....

So thank you for restoring my faith in humanity, Eleni.

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