Saturday, February 27, 2010

My Color (Also Titled: Prepare for Trouble, and This Time It's Double)

So as I packed last weekend on my way to KC for an Orientation Leader Conference, I knew that I had a lot of homework coming up the next two weeks. My backpack likely weighed 15-20 pounds after I put in all of the books etc. that I'd need to get a good head start on the coming week, plus I knew I'd have time with the 10 hours I'd be spending sitting around in the car both there and back.

Naturally, I spent a large portion of said ride playing an old Game Boy Color I found in my backpack.

First, a little backstory. I had a group of friends in my all-guys private high school who all shared a passion for long hair (i.e. hair that went beyond the collar of our shirts). As such, we knew that if we ate lunch in the cafeteria, we would be reprimanded and somehow punished (such as washing tables post-meal or worse. Like having to get it cut). So we would eat in the office of a faculty member we liked/liked us/tolerated us for our appearance.

Jesus had long hair, we said. Why couldn't we?

Anywho, while we were in there, we found an issue of Nintendo magazine that was a good half a decade old. On the cover, we found some of the ultimate nostalgia: Pokemon. Granted, it was one of the new generation ones, but after a few minutes of trashing we got back to our childhood.

In our reminiscence, we all realized that we still had our old copies of the game or extras to share with one another. And thus began the Pokemon binge of second semester junior year.*

*Yeah, we're pretty fucking cool.

But by the time I picked it up again this weekend, I had forgotten how awesome it was in its simplicity. It was easy: get your guys stronger than the other ones, then kick some bootay.* But really, it reminded me how pervasive it was to our generation. EVERYONE I know either watched the show, played the game, or collected the cards. Or at least knew a ton of people who did. It was a staple of our culture, and in a somewhat sad way it gave us something for us ll to relate to.

*Side note: I always named my rival something degrading, like "The Assface" or "Butthead" so that he would always be introduced as such. "Have you seen my grandson, The Assface?" Made me giggle every time.

So today, take a moment to remember your favorite cuddly (or not so much) thing that that crazy kid from Pallet Town encountered in his travels.

Mine was between these:


Truly a toss-up. I know which would make me the Pokemon Master though....if I could ever catch it.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Weekend Update (Also Titled: A Cheer, An Award, A Show) (Also Also Titled: No Sleep, A New Title, An Old Hipster) (Also Also Also: Longest Title Ever)

I know, David Bowie a.k.a. Major Tom a.k.a. Jareth the Goblin King, I haven't blogged in a few days. Your disapproval hurts more than you can ever know. But I have some good stories that may appease you, if you'll but give me the same chance you gave Ziggy Stardust.


Last weekend I was in the Motherland (Kansas City) for a conference. I work as a summer orientation leader for my school (you know the ones, the super peppy, would-be-annoying-if-they-weren't-so-gosh-darn-friendly people who wore - I shit you not - butter yellow polos and khaki cargo shorts. We were the Land 'O Lakes bunch), and so I went with a few other OLs and our supervisor to go to an "Orientation Leader Regional Conference."* I mostly went to give me a leg up on getting the job this summer, but I had a surprisingly solid amount of fun doing semi-obnoxious cheers and making snide comments to strangers while getting talked to. Could have done with out the 10-hour car rides though.


But while I was there, I found out that my college's newspaper (which, as the above crappily-drawn graphic indicates, I work for) won a slew of awards from the Illinois College Press Association (ICPA) - 18 to be exact. We beat out a bunch of other big dogs like Northwestern and UChic for the prizes, and the sports section (i.e. mine) won 5.

Biggest news? I came in second for best sports feature for this article. Though I lost out to my co-edior last semester (but I'm not bitter....bitch...), there's still significance here: now I can officially identify myself as "Nathan: award-winning journalist." I've already whipped it out a few times during arguments (EX: "Nathan, Bruce Lee's 'Enter the Dragon' is not the greatest movie ever made." Me: "I AM AN AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST.")*

*Auto-win. Much like my use of puppy-dog eyes upon my girlfriend, which is quite the site to behold:

This, but with more lip. And about equal amount of hair.


While I was back home, I got to see my family for a little bit, which was nice. But more importantly, I got to enjoy some good old-fashioned Kansas City BBQ, which I would easily put up against any in the country. Vegetarians be warned:

It's so beautiful....


Fast forward to Tuesday/radio day. For once, I don't have any dramatic travel stories (I'd link to an old post here, but I'd have to include pretty much every post I've done on the subject), but just one story that made me happy. First the set list:

Of Montreal - St. Exquisite's Confessions
The Heligoats - Fish Sticks
Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun
Vampire Weekend - Cousins
Catch 22 - Keasbey Nights
M.I.A. - Paper Planes
Against Me! - New Wave
Phoenix - 1901
Handsome Furs - I'm Confused
Dan Black - Symphonies
The New Pornographers - All the Old Showstoppers
Fox Japan - Bachelorete
The Hidden Cameras - In the NA
Spoon - Written in Reverse
Blue Meanies - Lose Your Mind
Mos Def - Quiet Dog Bite Hard

I was really beat that day. Huge headache, sniffles, couldn't concentrate, tired, etc. etc. I mocked my long, drawn-out, and often forgetful speech multiple times, and I got a couple callers chastising me for my self-depreciation. My absolute favorite came after I signed off thanking the four people who were listening to me.

"C'mon man, there are more than four people listening! Thousands of people. Old retired hipsters like me driving the kids to school before going to work who listen to WLUW instead of NPR!"

Right on sir. Thank you for making my week.

Blogger's note: apologies for the ramblings of this post. I had four days worth of information that I wanted to put up, but dumbly left it until (almost?) too late. If you don't like it, talk to David Bowie.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Life is what happens when you need something to blog about.
~John Lennon, had said act existed in the 1970's.

More soon, promise. Just wanted to assure you all that I was still alive. To make it up to everyone (all two people who read my blog), here are some Youtube Videos. Enjoys!

My answer to when my girlfriend asked what my favorite love song of all time was.
In honor of the Olympics.
You know what he did?

God I love the Internets and all it has brought us.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Why the Final Potter Movie(s) Will be the Best Yet

I, like thousands (millions?) of other children, I was very sad when, on my 11th birthday, I did not receive a letter via owl officially inviting me to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft sincerely signed by one Minerva McGonagall (Deputy Headmistress).

I devoured those books. I have read every single one of them at least four times. I couldn't tell you every single detail of the series, but let's put it this way: who has two thumbs and knows Harry's favorite dessert is treacle pudding?

This guy.

So when they made the inevitable announcement that they would be making movies based on the books, I was understandably psyched. Counted down the days, Googled the cast members, all the good stuff. I was sure it would be the greatest movie of my young moviegoing life.

Then it actually came out.

Badly acted, poorly adapted, etc etc. It was thoroughly bad on lots of levels, even to my adolescent eyes. After the next couple releases (though the kids kind of learned how to act), I just came to face the reality that I would always, no matter how not terrible it was, I would always, always be disappointed by the movies. And I was.

But at the end of the day, more than anything, there was one thing that always, absolutely rubbed me the wrong way:

The new Dumbledore.

The original, Richard Harris, was one of the few good parts about the first two movies (along with Maggie Smith, Robbie Coltrane, and Alan Ricman) and perfectly fit the role of gentle, wise, and mischievous ol' Dumbledore. Sadly he passed after Chamber of Secrets, and was replaced by Michael Gambon. Determined to do his own take on the character, Gambon apparently decided that "angry Welshman" fit better.

Any time his voice raises more than two decibels above his normal speaking voice, I cringe.

And now, as the press starts buzzing about Deathly Hallows, I have begun coming to terms with another HP movie that I doubt I'll enjoy, simply for the fact that it's not the book. I hate being that person, but I freely admit it. But then I remembered a silver lining...

Dumbledore died!*

*Which is something that I never thought I would ever, ever consider as silver lining btw...

As terrible as it sounds, that means that Gambon won't be ranting his way through my mind's image of Albus like a Sectumspectra curse through butter.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My Tuesday...So Far (and Why the Internet is Great)

When I woke up at 7:05 this morning, I knew today had the potential to be rough. Why?

Well, for starters, I was supposed to be on the bus headed downtown for my radio show at 7.*

*Now I'm going to warn you, this post might get a little "pity party" on my part. I'll try my best to make it humorous instead of whiney. Is it just me, or are all of my radio show updates simply turning into dramatic retellings of how the hell I got to the station?

Anywho, I woke up late (obviously), threw on non pajama pants (this week, unlike my birthday show last week), rushed to Dunkin, then rushed to the bus stop to cram myself onto a bus. It's 7:20, so I'm not terribly worried. I figure I'll just have to pick quickly in the music library before going on-air. There was a podcast that I had to interrupt that was streaming anyway, so if I were a few minutes later than 8 it wouldn't be a huge deal.

38 minutes later, I get off the bus and sprint to the station.

Once I get in eyeshot of the booth, I start unzipping my coat and taking my laptop out of my bag for ultimate rush capability. I storm up to the door, adrenaline running, absolutely dialed in and mentally ready to throw this together and have a hell of a show. I was a whirlwind of confidence and energy derived from stress and sleep deprivation slap-happiness. It was game time.

And then....*click*.


I whirl around and whip out my cell phone, dialing anyone and everyone I knew at the radio station, praying someone could tell me what to do. All that energy had turned to wide-eyed panic.

No answer from the Station General Manager. No answer on call number two*. Luckily I got a hold of my friend Mike, who reminded me that the radio was enacting a new policy to lock the door for morning DJs, and I had to be let in by security. Fair 'nuff. I still had a chance to salvage my set, it was only a couple minutes past zero hour.

Baha, said the fates.

*Turns out I called her office number, not her cell. Woopsies.

Turns out I get a security guard who is out of the loop and refuses to let me in without hearing from my manager. Which, you know, is my problem too. So a few frantic calls later, nothing. I'm REALLY starting to get freaked now. I didn't know for sure when whatever weird programming was on before me (I got a text from my Mom who literally insulted the song, not knowing whether it was me or not lol) would run out, but knew that my time was ticking quickly

Finally as I was pacing around in front of the desk, my Director gets through to security and tells them to let me in. We decide to take the extra-slow elevator up two flights of stairs (ugh), then I grab the library key so I can grab a couple CDs to buy myself some time. Finally get on air at 8:25 or so, make a quick excuse or two, and carry on. Setlist:

Modest Mouse - Gravity Rides Everything
Helicopter Helicopter - Bottom of the Ocean
Phoenix - Armistice
Owen - Amnesia and Me
The Heavy - Coleen
The Lost Fingers - Pump Up the Jam
The Shins - Australia
Matt & Kim - Lightspeed
Flogging Molly - If I Ever Leave This World Alive
Spoon - I Saw the Light
Black Seeds - Year of the Pig

There was a bit more stress in my morning though. My co-editor told me we didn't have the pictures for a full page feature in our section (deadline is tonight, woot) and the guy after me in the radio station told me he might not be in on time today, therefore making me late to my class. Things were looking bleak.

But then, in the moral story of the day, I was saved by the power of the world wide web. I got an e-mail from my Writing and Reporting professor whose class I was going to be late for saying that she cancelled class for today. I found a couple solutions for the page problem via inspiration through Google. And now I'm easing my blogger conscience by throwing this up.

The world looks better, thanks to you Internet.

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Best Hugger in the World

51-year-old Jeff Ondash, hailing from Ohio, traversed to Las Vegas in search of something. What was that, you ask?

Hugs, biatch.

I'm a man who is not ashamed to say that I love hugs. They're one of my favorite ways to express emotion, and by God, I give a pretty damn good one. Side effects include: warm fuzzies, inward meltiness, smiles, and happiness.

But damn.

Ondash set out to break the record for hugs in a 24-hour period. And by Barney as my witness, he did, to the tune of 7,777 MOTHER FLIPPING HUGS, utterly destroying the record set by Dubliner Siobhan O'Conner (like I needed to say that person was from Dublin...) of only 5,000.

Now, the guy already had the record for hugs in one hour (1,205), but Ondash would hardly settle for a measly 1/24 of his potential. And do you want to know what transforms this guy from simply awesome to balls-to-the-walls sweet hero?

Whilst going about his record-breaking pace, he goes by his pseudonym.

Teddy McHuggin.

So cool, or the coolest?

This dude had to hug at a rate of 208 hugs per hour (3.5 per minute), including over 700 in the first hour alone. Good god. Now he wants to break both the world's single longest hug (24 hours and 1 second) and breaking both of his current records CONSECUTIVELY.

"I don't even know if I can do that but I'm going to attempt it," Ondash said. "It's like climbing Mount Everest twice — same thing."

I don't have too many heroes in this world. But how can this guy not jump to the top 10 of anyone's list?

Sunday, February 14, 2010


So I had a post planned out, but when I saw this on director Edgar Wright's blog, I had to put it up and wonder if I need to give in to the peer pressure instigated by my girlfriend to get a tattoo....

Scott Pilgrim tattoo?


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Birthday Thoughts and As Heard on the Radio!

I really REALLY wanted to be able to post this last night, but stuff kept coming up that either directly prevented me from posting it (the Internet breaking, for example) or something that I wanted to include in the post happening (see present 6). But here it is anyway, my b-day broken down...


Birthday present number 1:

As I was walking back to my dorm from the newspaper office (at 3 or so in the AM), I got caught in the giant snowstorm that is still going on here in ol' Chi-town. As I walked, I turned my headphones off (partially to avoid getting mugged) and just enjoyed hearing the crunch of fresh powder under my feet, knowing I was probably the first one to experience it in at least a few block radius.

Birthday present number 2:

After three hours of sleep, I got up (after two alarms) realizing that I had been so absolutely intent on getting to bed that I had contorted myself into an odd position, leading to some crazy back pain. But no matter. I rolled out of bed, threw on what I viewed to be my most comfortable clothing (sweater and pajama pants), grabbed some yogurt and went. Sadly, the snow had accumulated a couple inches in those three hours, so the bottom of my pants and my tennis shoes got pretty wet. So where was the good news in this portion of my day? The bus showed up right as I got to the stop.

Gotta appreciate the little things.

Birthday present number 3:

Had two lovely listeners call in to wish me a happy birthday. And yes, they were complete strangers. Gave me the warm fuzzies. Plus, felt like I had a pretty good b-day setlist (gave myself a few presents/self-dedications with songs that I had 100% overplayed last semester but loved entirely too much to ignore on my birthday).

Here it is:

Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots pt. 1
The Minor Leagues - Little Angel
Miracle Legion - With a Wish
Copeland - You Have My Attention
Plane - I See Love in the Future
Shout Out Louds - Streams of Whiskey
Rogue Wave - Lake Michigan
Vampire Weekend - Cousins
Blue Meanies - All the Same
Snakeships - Sheena
BOAT - Lately (I've Been On My Back)
Mountain Goats - Going to Georgia
Spoon - Written in Reverse
Gorillas - 5/4
The Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You
The Asteroids Galaxy Tour - Up Around the Bend

Birthday present number 4:

Got to spend the afternoon with the gal pal while she did her radio set, which was highly enjoyable, as we've had next to no time together for the last wee or so.

Birthday present number 5:

It's still snowing. Awesome.

Birthday present number 6:

I showed up to work, preparing for a terrible day at work. We were horrifyingly behind schedule, and I foresaw a night reaching deep past 2 or 3, not including the homework I had to do. But the second I walked into the office and saw that my desk and computer were decked out with birthday decorations (pics later?) with a picture of my girlfriend on my computer (in case I had any question as to who it was). Then later, she snuck up on me with a cake and candles and got the whole office to sing "Happy Birthday" to me, then brought me dinner. What a sweetheart :)

Birthday present number 7:

Had 70 Facebook notifications waiting for me, most of which wishing me happy birthday (yeah, maybe I decided to not check any of my notifications to build up my self-esteem, what of it?!). A few friends were absent through any form of communication, but whatever. I'm turrible at birthdays too, and would likely forget that people even have birthdays if it weren't for Facebook.

Birthday present number 8:

Got out of work earlier than we thought we would (still 1 a.m.).

Birthday present number 9:

There was a freaking EARTHQUAKE IN CHICAGO last night. I may have slept through it (it was at 4 in the morning, so I only missed it by an hour), and technically happened the day AFTER my birthday, I'll take it because it's so awesome.


I spent most of my birthday hunched over a computer within the confines of an office from some Loyolan form of mass communication, wearing pajama pants and a hoodie that I had worn the last two days in a row, in terrible need of a back rub, and grumpy from lack of sleep. But I still consider my first pseudo-adult birthday a success, even without any material gifts.

I feel so profound.

...Though I would like an XBox...

In honor of the snow greatness, here are a few of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes snowmen (I couldn't bear to have a post without any pictures)

Happy Birthday to me :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Happy Birthday to Moi

First of all, I feel terrible. I haven't posted a thing in days. And the last thing I posted was, in fact, about ketchup, so not super exciting. I have oodles and oodles to blog about, but just have had too little time in life to do it. So here I am, post 1am, sitting in the newspaper office when I should be at home sleeping away the hours of my birthday (yay, happy birthday!), doing a likely dumb blog post. But its all for you.

Twenty is an odd age to be. There's nothing beneficial to being twenty, no special privileges. In fact, because the excuse of "I'm just a dumb teenager" no longer applies, one could easily argue that you have LESS privileges. There have only been two silver linings that pop into my mind:

1) I can finally join the "20 Something Bloggers" on Blogspot (Administration approval-pending), just when my life is getting too busy to blog.

2) I feel like I can finally legitimately refer to remembering things as being "a decade ago." But that also makes me feel surprisingly old, so not a huge plus.

And though I've only been without a 1 in my age for the first time in ten years (#2!) for roughly an hour and a half, I already feel a little different. Or at least like I should feel different. Like I should actually be responsible, instead of mostly pretending like it. Life is coming fast, and I can't say I really know if I'm ready for it. Late newspaper nights plus early radio Tuesdays plus homework = no sleeps. Now I have to apply for study abroad, finish re-applying for my summer orientation leader job for my interview Wednesday, Valentine's Day shopping...

And trying to appease my massive audience in the blogging world!? Good will I survive?

Happy Birthday to me!

Giga yeah.

Friday, February 5, 2010

The Biggest Thing Since Sliced Bread

Brace yourselves, ladies and gentleman of the blogging world. Big news in the world of culinary arts.

For decades, we have been suppressed. If this comes as a surprise to you, then you haven't been paying attention or that damn mass media has convinced you that what you had was what you needed, and that you should simply stand aside.

But no more.

Now, we, the American consumer, no longer have to carry out the often weekly struggle and frustration and heartbreak that this issue has lead to. No longer must we fumble, spurt, slip, or squeeze away our lives.

I am, of course, referring to the advent of the new ketchup packet.

Behold its glory.

Instead of the old-fashioned packets, in which you had to open with your teeth and needed 17 of to dress a burger and small fries, this new and improved version allows for the flexibility that is required in the busy lives of Americans today. How so you ask? Well let me tell you.

With the old packets, you hd limited distribution options. Either squirt in directly onto the food or off to the side for dipping. But no longer. Now, Heinz's new-and-improved model allows for the usual squirting:

But also for dipping!


According to the Yahoo! News article where I found this revelation, it holds three times the ketchup as a traditional packet. It seems the free market economy, in all its consumer-driven glory, has delivered (for once?). Go America.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Mighty Morphin Bloated Ranger!

From my personal experience, I have concluded that if you put a group of friendly college-aged red-blooded American people together across the span of a long period of time, no matter how different these people are, one topic will almost unanimously be touched upon, and touched upon with great enthusiasm.*

What is that topic, you ask?

Childhood television.

*If your mind is dirty like mine, this sentence is giggle-worthy when you think of the second-most talked about conversation piece of college students.

I couldn't possibly count the hours I've spent with various friends, coworkers, etc. talking about the good old days in kid TV programming, getting the warm fuzzies from analyzing our favorite Nicktoons, Disney, and Cartoon Network shows. From Hey Arnold! to Rugratsto Batman: The Animated Series to Dexter's Lab to Bill Nye the Science Guy (future blog post much?), there was something for everyone. In a (mildly depressing way), television formed a shared culture for nearly everyone in our generation.

One of the most popular and formative shows was, of course, those crazy, ultimate-sporting, and wholesome teenagers of the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

I believe that during any point from about 11-2 (central time), hundreds of thousands of kindergartners across the nation were arguing about who got to be the red ranger and who got to be the green ranger (I was always the blue one, as I didn't enjoy confrontation).

Above: the Halloween costumes of millions of children circa 1994.

Below: And ethically diverse! In a racist kinda way.

And while everyone had their favorite Ranger to play at recess (I believe that during any point from about 11-2 (central time), hundreds of thousands of kindergartners across the nation were arguing about which Ranger they would spend the 20 minutes as - I was always the lame blue one, as I didn't enjoy confrontation), there was one ultimate Ranger for the six year old guys out there..

That's right. Jason Lee Scott, the Red Ranger. The undeniable leader of the team also happened to be the biggest BA of the bunch. He had the girl (Kimberly, who was unmistakably one of our generation's celebrity crush's), the moves, a cool sword, and the color red. What wasn't there to like?*

Oh Amy Jo Johnson, how did it feel to know that you were the fantasy of boys who were working on addition?

*Screw the Green Ranger, Tommy, even if he turned into the Red Ranger later. Original or nothing.

Eventually I, as the rest (or at least most) of the rest of my jungle gym and finger-painting buddies eventually graduated on to bigger and better things in our TV-watching lives (Spongebob woot!), especially after the season premises got even MORE ridiculous than teens running around with semi-super powers with transforming dinosaurs lead by some sort of alien inter-dimensional being who fights a bitchy evil lady with flying monkeys with monocles who created things like giant pig-monsters out of clay. Which is pretty damn ridiculous.

But one day a few years ago as I was channel surfing, I saw a special Power Rangers episode where the premise was all of the past Red Rangers from all of the past incarnations of the series had to unite to fight some great evil. I was mildly intrigued, and watched it for half an hour. It was, understandably, pretty shitty, but it was nice thrusting myself back all those years, seeing the few Reds that I remembered (yeah, even that douche Tommy). But I was stunned. Austin St. John, the original main man, had turned from this:

A fine hunk of man indeed. Into:

Hmm. A little chubby, no? But understandable. According to his Wikipedia article the guy hasn't really done anything since Power Rangers, and was working as a paramedic. Fair 'nuff. But now?

Sad. Not so much that he has gotten a little bigger, but more that the RED RANGER had gotten a little bigger. Just like how re-watching Rugrats a few months ago bored me to tears: my childhood just isn't as awesome as I remember. Or my awesome level has simply risen too high for old stuff like that to keep up.

Yup, definitely that second one.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

As heard on the radio!

That's right folks, the second hebdomadal (SAT hot word!) radio setlist. I feel like its a bit wasted today, as I have some great freakin post ideas and this will likely just be used as a filler. But dag gummit, its tradition now.

Today's setlist was a little weaker than usual, mostly because I tried to play a bunch of new stuff that I hadn't listened to enough to really know how they should fit. But, the travel to the station was far superior than last week's adventure. Woke up late, but still had time to grab a delicious "Everything" bagel from Dunkin Donuts. Then as soon as I went outside, my bus magically appeared and stopped right in front of me. I didn't even need to put gloves on, as my toasted bagel was enough to keep my hands warm. It was magical.

Anywho, here it is, today's playlist.

Tegan and Sara - Walking with a Ghost
Modest Mouse - Paper Thin Walls
Tokyo Police Club - Your English is Good
The Salts - Broomstick Rock Star
Unicycle Loves You - Great Bargains for Seniors
The National - All the Wine
The Kills - Wait
Meet Me in St. Louis - The Torso Has Been Severed Mid-Thorax (yeah, such a weird title...)
Dogs Die in Hot Cars (and a sad band name...) - Paul Newman's Eyes
Catch 22 - Walking Away
OK Go - All is Not Lost
Wild Yaks - River May Come
BOAT - Last Cans of Paint
Easy Star All-Stars - With a Little Help From my Friends
We All Have Hooks for Hands - Be Love, Be Wild
The Hidden Cameras - The Little Bit

Monday, February 1, 2010

Pick Yo Five: Man Crush Edition

Last night I was hanging out with a couple of friends, one of whom I had worked with over the summer as an orientation leader for my school, when we brought up an old work time conversation that made all three of us sit at Five Guys for two whole hours. Said conversation was the identification of our "Fives."

What are "Fives" you ask? Well, it is simply a list of your top 5 celebrity crushes. The rules:

a) Must be a celebrity currently alive and their current age. So no picking Marilyn Monroe or a Julie Andrews circa "Sound of Music."
b) Based on both looks and personality. This is a list of celebrities you would have a relationship with, not get locked into the sex dungeon of (that's a different list entirely).

And, instead of posting the boring, usual version of the list (meaning the one with females) here, by popular demand (from myself), is my man-crush list. Not people that I would straight up change teams for, but if they propositioned, it would cause me pause.

5) Matt Damon

Matt Damon was a bit off an outlier as of a few years ago. But then came his full-hearted participation in I'm F*cking Matt Damon, his rant against Sarah Palin, the chub he put on for The Informant, and his general awesomeness in movies like The Departed, The Bourne movies, and his involvement in Kevin Smith movies like Dogma pretty much make him a pretty big badass.



4) Hugh Jackman

To capture the essence of Hugh Jackman, let me just quote his Wikipedia page for you...

Hugh Michael Jackman (born 12 October 1968) is an Australian actor and producer who is involved in film, musical theatre and television.
Jackman has won international recognition for his roles in major films, notably as action/superhero, period and romance characters. He is well known from his role as Wolverine in the X-Men series, in addition to his leads in Kate & Leopold, Van Helsing, The Prestige, and Australia. Jackman is a singer, dancer, and actor in stage musicals, and won a Tony Award for his role in The Boy from Oz.

Let's break down the awesome. First, he's Australian. Sweet accent, even sweeter lifestyle. Second, not only is the guy super badass as Wolverine, but also can play a British royal AND is a Tony Award winner. I certainly love me some comic books, and I also love me some musical theater. Win.

Is Hugh Jackman going to have to cut a beyotch?


3) Brad Pitt

Does Brad Pitt ever stop getting awesome? Fight Club, Seven, and Ocean's 11 were great. Then he decides he's going to cement his awesome via Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds as Lt. Aldo Raine. Current hippie/hobo phase aside, Brad Pitt is basically all that is man.

You crazy son of a bitch you.


2) Neil Patrick Harris

Suit up indeed.

Now, it should be said the NPH is actually the only one on this list who is actually gay, and therefore would be most likely to proposition me for a long-term and beautiful relationship. But, in reality, they're all impossible long shots, so whatever.

Neil Patrick Harris won me over withDr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, (so much so that I was a surprisingly identifiable Dr. Horrible for Halloween), and re-inforces his endearing qualities every week with How I Met Your Mother as Barney the womanizer. Charming...suave...funny...the man has it all.


But while NPH has it all, the winner of the Soft Nonsense celeb man crush lottery has it all to the max.

And the lucky man...

1) Ryan Reynolds

Now I'll be truthful. My love for Ryan Reynolds (yet another Canadian...) runs deeper for anyone on either of these lists (though closely followed by NPH, which is a commentary in and of itself). After I saw him laugh and party it up in Van Wilder, I knew that I had a Hollywood role model. Then, I saw Waiting and laughed my pants off. I even saw The Proposal (a few weeks ago over winter break. My mom made me) and loved RR in it. The guy is living the dream: crazy good-looking, married to "Pick Yo Five" lister Scarlett Johannson, blogger for the Huffinton Post (his post on why he ran the NYC Marathon was a riot and oddly inspiring), and starring in not one, but TWO comic book movies (upcoming Wolverine spinoff Deadpool and The Green Lantern for sure, with the possibility of a Flash movie). Not to mention being one of the better comedic actors in Hollywood (personal opinion, but I have no remorse).

And that, my dear readers, is that.

Believe me, he's much more excited to be on this list in real life.

-Justin Long (Love him in most things that he's in, although he gets typecasted a lot. Died laughing during his role of Brandon St. Randy in Zack and Miri Make a Porno.)
-Jason Seagal (God, another person from How I Met Your Mother? Oh well. He's pretty much the best in everything he's been in the last few years.)
-Jack Black (Lots to love. Literally. JB is pretty much the guy that I would be if I did more drugs and had a little bit more ADHD.)
-George Clooney (Everyone's favorite charming, middle-aged man. He was a whisker away from making this list, but he was a bit too obvious of a choice to put him on. No offense big guy.)
-Bruce Campbell (Go horror movies.)